Everything Wrong with Castle Sweet Castle

Well, I've waited so long to finally write my review of the second episode in s5 of MLP that during that time, we got another episode. So I guess these next two reviews will be shorter than most of my usual ones. Let's start with "Castle Sweet Castle."

As you may recall in the season 4 finale, this happened:

This drew the ire of hundreds of bronies, and was a move that is still considered controversial today. Now I didn't mind this part as much as the part that followed it, where out of nowhere, a new, butt-ugly crystal castle grew from the ground for Twilight to stay in. I had speculated before this that Twilight would instead inherit the Castle of the Two Sisters, which I think was what was planned to happen at first, until some creative geniuses at Hasbro said, "Hey, we got this Crystal Castle toy. Put it in your show." And so it was done.
But still, despite all this, there were some bronies who were legitimately concerned about what would happen to the Library, and the creators of the show promised they would have an episode talking about just that. Well, this is said episode. Let's take a look.

It starts off with Twilight helping Fluttershy take care of her animals, and helping to clean each of them, including brushing the bears' teeth! As soon as they're done, Fluttershy reminds Twilight to go back to her castle, but seeming highly resistant to the idea, Twilight instead pushes Angel Bunny into a puddle of mud so they'll have to clean him again. It doesn't help when she accidentally turns him into Fluffle Puff.

The next morning, the ponies all get together at Twilight's castle for a pancake breakfast, where she seems so tired out that she uses her pancake as a pillow.

All the rest of the mane 6 tell each other about different situations Twilight was in where it appeared that she was intentionally going out of her way to stay away from the castle, which, to be honest, I would too. The place is an eyesore, I'm guessing it has rock hard beds, and it's just not as welcoming as the tree. Since the castle walls are made of crystal, they're kind of see-through, so the ponies outside can see everything Twilight does inside, which is invasive to her privacy. Plus, its weight is distributed unevenly, which means that it must be really top-heavy. Your best bet is to demolish it immediately so it won't cause any future problems for you or the rest of the town, Twilight. But not before you give us the line that launched a thousand memes!


So the other ponies send Twilight and Spike to the spa while they get to cleaning the place, and sing a song while they're at it. Now before I talk about this song, "Make This Castle a Home," let me just remind you all that I'm not usually a fan of MLP songs, and judge most of them--even the ones from earlier seasons--quite harshly. With that said, I would like to say that I love how much passion the mane 5 (minus Twilight) put into this, despite guessing all the way through that they were going to fail. And that's not a bad thing. It reminds me of the Cutie Mark Crusaders' song from s1, where they are putting so much passion into something that just doesn't work and flops majorly. I'll bring this up again when they reprise the song later.

But unsurprisingly enough, they all realize that what they've done only made the castle worse. Well, the episode is only halfway through, you can't end it too early! No, really, I don't think I've talked enough about how I appreciate the length of these episodes. Many children's shows have episodes at a maximum length of 11 minutes, so I'm glad these episodes are as long as they are. If they were shorter than 22 minutes, do you realize how insane that would drive me? I need to get my fill of pony somehow! What am I supposed to do, get an actual life?
So they get Spike to stall Twilight before she shows up while they try to figure out how to make the castle more likeable. Don't worry, I have an easy, two-step plan to save you the trouble! Step 1: remove castle. Step 2: replace castle with tree. Easy as that!
It also occurs to me in the scene at the spa how cute Aloe is. It also occurs to me that the writers really didn't plan out the destruction of the Library beforehand. But hey, as long as it gives us moments like this:

And thus we have the mane that launched a thousand memes. Wait...
To stall Twilight, Spike decides to get a massage from... Bulk Biceps?

And then rape happened!

Meanwhile, Twilight's friends get into a huge argument over what things to remove and what to leave in the castle. It gets to the point where they remove everything and it goes back to how it started, with the castle looking barren and empty. Now to be fair, one of the few things I liked about this episode is the comedy. The remaining five have arguments that, while sometimes seem forced, are usually funny. Pinkie Pie is also very good, making comments similar to hers in "Filli Vanilli," only they actually come off as funny and not just mean and insensitive, mainly thanks to her highly spastic delivery. And Spike is also great in this! I dare say that Spike is better here than he is in any of the episodes that star him. The situation allows a lot of great comedy for all parties involved.
The other thing about  that works really great is this one, where Spike and Twilight visit the ruins of the library.


This scene is done with barely any words, and their expressions alone are enough to convey the sadness of having lost not only your old home, but everything that was inside it, including all the hundreds of books she owned. This scene is very effective, and so is the scene that follows it, with all of the ponies talking about the memories made in the library.
But then... (sigh) they ruin it all. How? Well, first of all, they decide to reprise "Make This Castle a Home," only it has none of the fun behind it with the knowledge that they're going to completely screw up. But that's not what pisses me off. Here's what pisses me off:

Yes, the ponies actually made a giant chandelier from the roots of the Tree, and each of the jewels has a picture of one of their old memories inside it. And somehow, Twilight loves it and wants to stay there now! (Sigh.) And now, here's a new section: everything wrong with this ending!
1. Where and how did they get pictures of these memories? There was never a photographer there.
2. Wasn't making a chandelier of all your memories overly complicated? Was a bulletin board too simple?
3. Hanging the corpse of the murdered tree on the ceiling will only serve as a constant reminder for Twilight that her old home and everything she loved about it is gone. Isn't that more saddening than you were going for?
4. While you're at it, Twilight lost a lot more in that library than just memories. Do you mind also replacing each and every single book that she lost?
5. This still doesn't answer the question of "where will the ponies get their books now that the library is destroyed"?
6. Applejack says, "What really makes home feel like home isn't what it looks like." Actually, yes, it kind of is. The castle still looks butt-ugly, and it's certainly not where I would want to stay. This means that, if the entire purpose of the episode was to make the castle feel more like home, then it has failed at its one job! The episode started with me thinking the castle was an eyesore that feels more like a toyset than an actual place anyone would want to live, and it ending with me thinking the same thing, only now it has a chandelier, and other additions from the other ponies.

Gah, I'm sorry. I can't bring myself to like this episode. It's not just that it's a mess, because despite everything I said about "The Cutie Map," I can't really bring up that much hate for it, even with its numerous faults. But the ending of this episode... ugh! I'm sorry, it just felt rushed, half-assed, and left a huge stain on the rest of the episode for me. The fact that it couldn't make that castle seem like home was predictable, seeing how the writers have kind of written themselves into a corner with that, but the fact that the didn't even try? (Sigh)
I'm giving this a 1.5/5, simply for the things I mentioned that I did like about this episode. Don't like my rating? Well, too bad, because I'm not changing it. But hey, you may like my next review of "Bloom and Gloom!" And spoiler alert: I'll be giving it a positive rating.

-Kirb, got sunshine in a bag. (fim • yt • tr)