Everything Wrong with Equestria Girls (Full Movie)

Well, I finally watched it. I waited for weeks, repeatedly checked on YouTube, downloaded BitTorrent, which reconfigured my computer and web browsers, then I had to uninstall it, then reinstall it, then looked on all the good websites for a good copy of Equestria Girls, checked on The Pirate Bay to find that nobody had uploaded it there, and finally downloaded a half-assed quality recording of it and watched it.

Was it worth all that? No.

Would it have been worth seeing in the theaters?
...okay, I'm also gonna give that a no because the closest theater that is showing it is a huge distance away.

Does it live up to my expectations? Yes.
The way to enjoy this movie is to go into it with incredibly low expectations, so then you can't get disappointed very easily. With that philosophy, the movie was actually bearable, which is better than I expected it to be.

Okay, so here's the basic plot: (Spoilers begin here)
Twilight gets her crown stolen by Huge Bitch Sunset Shimmer, who had apparently been in Alternate Equestria for a while before the events of this movie happened. Apparently this chick was Celestia's student before TS entered the picture. So Twilight goes to Alternate Equestria. Now the reason she goes there completely on her own is because taking the rest of the main 6 would "disrupt the balance of things" or whatever. I can see that-- it's similar to the Prime Directive from Star Trek: incredibly important but still broken nevertheless.

When she arrives, TS is a humanoid (I'm still reluctant to say human) girl, and Spike is a dog (or some genetic mutation of one at least). I'm still glad she doesn't immediately adapt to the human world, because that would be unrealistic. But then, Twilight has her first song in the movie-- I don't feel I need to talk about MLP songs because everybody already knows my opinion on them. As she goes along, she challenges Sunset Shimmer, and befriends this world's Fluttershy. She also meets Flash Sentry, Sunset Shimmer's ex-boyfriend and Twilight's love interest for the movie who had previously been given the fan-name Brad. By this time in the movie, I'm beginning to cringe.

Fluttershy has the crown and gives it to Principal Celestia (shudder), who then stupidly decides to use it as the crown for the Fall Formal, which is some big dance thing. Twilight discovers that the only way to get the crown is to become the princess of the Fall Formal, a position taken by Sunset every year prior. Then she discovers that, while the rest of the main 6 had previously been friends, their friendship had been broken up by Sunset Shimmer interfering with them, so she gets them all together and tells them of her plan. They all are eager to help because they really don't like Sunset Shimmer. Unfortunately, the antagonist gets jealous and decides to humiliate TS by any means necessary, including getting this world's Snips and Snails to take embarrassing videos of TS trying to adjust to Alternate Equestria, and even going so far as to frame her for vandalism of the gym, which is where the Fall Formal is supposed to be held. Luckily, TS somehow talks her way out of it, and then with three songs, TS and the main 6: 1. get TS to be incredibly popular, 2. fix up the gym for the night, 3. get prepared for the Fall Formal.

So TS becomes princess of it, of course, and she gets the crown, but Sunset captures Spike. Through a big scene with a lot of action and very little talking, TS gets Spike back, Sunset almost gets the crown, TS gets the crown, but then it is tossed among the main 6, Spike, Snips and Snails, until finally falling in the hands of Sunset, who proceeds to use it to turn into some sort of demon Super Saiyan thing. Then she turns Snips and Snails into demons and the rest of the students at the school into zombies, and proceeds to wreak havoc among the school. But the main 6 use the powers of friendship and the Elements of Harmony to, not only win against the antagonist, but also turn into anthro versions of their pony selves (with ears, tails, wings, etc.).

Sunset, now back to normal, begs for forgiveness and somehow gets away with it with the only punishment being to clean up the mess. Then ANOTHER SONG, TS dances with Flash Sentry, says goodbye to the main 6, and goes back to Equestria Prime with Spike. Then, back in Equestria, Twilight is about ready to go back to her normal life, but then she bumps into Flash Sentry, who is a Pegasus guard in this world. And that's about it.

So! I'm going to give a review on this, and I'm going to point out the pros and cons.

PROS:
1. Vinyl Scratch's design. She's the only character who actually looked good in this universe.
2. All the cameos, such as Vinyl, Photo Finish, the CMCs, Trixie, and I think I might have seen Derpy too. Great, at least Hasbro has the decency to do a favor for the bronies. I mean, we're the only reason that the show actually became as popular as it is in the first place.
3. The dialogue was actually bearable and didn't completely delve into typical teen issues like it would. Instead, it mostly focused on the main problem: getting Twilight her crown before the portal to Equestria Prime disappears.
4. The fact that this was a movie instead of a TV show. I'm just glad about that. It just seems to work better as a movie.
5. The animation. I obviously couldn't get the full picture from the low quality recording I saw it with, but it seemed up-to-par with the regular animation from the show.
6. Most of the main cast actually seemed in character. Great job, Meghan McCarthy. I'm glad we have you on board.
7. The fact that this movie didn't cause the show to end, as I feared it would.

CONS:
1. Those hideous designs. Pretty much every female character is dressed the same: huge boots with leg warmers and short skirts. Also, they have skin colors that would NEVER exist naturally in real life.
2. Spike has somehow gone from being a fire-breathing dragon, the king of the air, to being a puppy dog. How does that even work?
3. The music. Now you know how I feel about MLP music in general, but this is just... ugh... Basically, in order to fit in this world, they made all the soundtrack catchy pop songs, which doesn't really fit into an MLP film. It gives the movie a High School Musical feel to it, which is not a good thing BTW.
4. Notice how Twilight just walks into school on the first day without having to fill out any forms beforehand, and without her teachers/counselor meeting her parents?
5. Now that I think of it, this brings up another point: She has no parents in this world, and she lives at some sort of abandoned building thing, so wouldn't someone call Child Protective Services on her?
6. In one of the scenes, Pinkie Pie's lips stretch way longer than they realistically would. Scratch that, this is Pinkie Pie we're talking about. Never question Pinkie Pie.
6. The character of Sunset Shimmer seems to be pretty much a clone of Trixie: quite popular at the beginning, everybody hates her at the end, huge bitch, somehow gets away with causing terrorism, her two sidekicks are Snips and Snails, has massive hatred for Twilight, etc.
7. In Equestria Prime, Rainbow Dash flies in races. In Alternate Equestria, she plays football. Wouldn't she be better in this world as a marathon runner or something?
8. During the movie, there are several times where the characters can see right up their skirts. I just hope that TS was wearing underwear when she came from Equestria Prime.
9. In Equestria Prime, Celestia was princess of all of Equestria, she controlled the sun (and the moon for a short time), and she was seemingly immortal. In Alternate Equestria, she was principal of a high school. Do I even need to explain why I dislike this?
10. The movie says that Alternate Equestria is the same as the human world, Earth. However, this can't be true, because the world they enter is a world where everybody has strange skin and hair colors, everywhere you go looks like Southern California, people still dress in '80s clothing, and Child Protective Services doesn't exist.
11. The fact that the whole movie is a thinly veiled attempt for Hasbro to launch a new toy line that is a competitor for Monster High.
12. Most bronies are adults and they don't care about high school. Most little girls are in grade school and don't care about high school. Who is this movie for?
13. The romance dynamic between Flash Sentry and Twilight Sparkle. It seemed kind of forced, unnecessary, and didn't really go anywhere.
14. At the end, Sunset Shimmer gets away with terrorizing the school because she sort of feels sorry about it. How does that work?

My overall rating? I give it a 3 out of 5. If you're a brony but you don't know if you want to see it in theaters or not, wait until it's released on DVD.

I probably won't do any more reviews until Season 4. Until then, maybe I can catch up on Metropolis.

-Kirb Hysteria

PS: I'd just like to say that if I'd know that this was what MLP would become, I wouldn't have ever become a brony in the first place. But that's just me! Watch it for yourself and you make your decision.

EDIT: Here's a link for a good quality version of it (YouTube or torrents): www.reddit.com/r/mylittlepony/…