You know, there are reasons I don't visit sites to see my family lineage. First of all, it's really time-consuming and I don't have enough free time as it is, so if I spend it on anything, it'll be something like writing fiction, reviews, or drawing with what little skill I have. Secondly, it's boring. I've never cared about my father's brother's nephew's cousin's former roommate, and I'm not going to start now. And last, I might find out that I'm related to someone that I don't especially like; for example, I could be related to a redneck stereotype, or a crackhead who is probably addicted to helium as well. Where am I going with this? Well, apparently Hasbro has decided to make fun of people who like to spend time on those sites. Wait, did I say Hasbro? I meant DHX Animation Studios. I'm sorry, since you guys threw a ragefit last time I mocked Hasbro instead of mocking the company that actually made the show, I've kept a close eye on what I say in my blogs and other posts. Anyway... Pinkie Apple Pie.
So the episode starts out with Pinkie going to Twilight's library to read a big huge scroll thing to trace back her lineage. Wow, that must have taken a lot of trees to make. She gasps and runs to Sweet Apple Acres, where she reveals that she has discovered she is actually Applejack's cousin. I guess this means no Pinkie X Applejack shipping anymore, right? (Unless you perverts really think they're into incest. :-P)
After the intro, everyone in the Apple family is happy to welcome Pinkie into their family, and... wait a minute! Look at the title card! Wow, DHX! You really don't know how to spell the name of one of your main characters? I mean, seriously. What the hell? We've only gotten two minutes in and there's already something wrong. Congratulations, you deserve an award for failing.
However, Applejack looks a little closer into the scroll and discovers that the place where it shows their relation is smudged, so they can't tell if they're related. They decide to go on a family roadtrip to one of their relatives, Goldie Delicious, to see if Pinkie and Applejack are actually related. Or if you're that interested, you could just do a DNA test or something... By the way, am I the only one who thinks that "Goldie Delicious" sounds like the name of a Las Vegas stripper? I don't know.
So as they prepare to leave, Applejack tells the other members of the family to show only the good side of the Apple family. A bit dishonest, especially considering that she's supposed to be the Element of Honesty... wait, nevermind, that's not the case anymore since they got rid of the Elements in the Season 4 premiere. (I still think that was a bad idea...) Then Pinkie... or should I say "Pinky" packs all her stuff and they leave and... sing a song. Yep, opinion is lowering already. And this song has a similar stance to me as most of the MLP songs, and is certainly not the best Applejack song. Obviously nowhere near as good as...
Epic.
Unfortunately it seems they were concentrating so much on singing their crappy song that they weren't concentrating on driving, as they got into a bit of an accident. Applejack almost gets angry at Big Mac, but decides to restrain herself because she only wants to show Pinkie the good parts of the family. Don't worry, Applejack. No matter how bad or imperfect your family is, at least it's better than Pinkie's Amish parents and sisters. So they somehow manage to construct a raft from the wreckage of the wagon and go down the river in it. Soon, they come to a fork in the river. Applejack needs the map to figure out how to get to Goldie Delicious, but Applebloom accidentally tosses it into the water. Don't worry, Applejack! You don't need the map! Even if you don't go down the path that leads you to Goldie Delicious, there's still adventure! Go down one of the paths, you'll run into Huck Finn and Jim's raft! And go down the other, it will lead you to the castle Aaaaarrrrrrggghhh! Either way, it's adventure!
Now under Granny Smith's directions, they go down a bit further and go through "the scariest cave in Equestria". After exiting that bit of pointlessness (seriously, it's never mentioned again), Applejack, Granny Smith, Applebloom and Big Mac get into a fight over the steering wheel, causing them to go over a waterfall. AND THEN THEY DIED. THE END.
Of course I'm just kidding. Somehow they're able to survive that 50' drop and continue on their way. When they arrive there, they discover that Goldie is gone doing errands, so Pinkie leaves to get more scrapbook paper. While she's gone, the Apples apologize to each other and say that they understand if Pinkie doesn't want to be considered an Apple. Why wouldn't she want to be considered an Apple? You guys are like the second most adventurous southern group apart from the fucking Dukes of Hazzard. I'd be honored to be related to such a family.
So Goldie finally returns and... yikes. Remember that comment I made earlier about her being a stripper? Remove that from your memory. They ask Goldie to figure out the mystery, but when she looks in the record of the Apple family tree, she discovers... a smudged page. Really? So they never find out if Pinkie is actually an Apple, and this whole thing turned out to be a waste of time. See, that's why I never get involved in this sort of stuff. Actually, this makes me wonder. If that spot was smudged in both Twilight's record and Goldie's record, maybe there was something there that Celestia didn't want them to see. Gasp! Maybe it was all a conspiracy! Or maybe it's just a show for little girls and I'm looking too deeply into it. Either way, I'm suspicious.
So despite not knowing if Pinkie is related to them, they still consider her an honorary member of the Apple family. And that's how it ends. So how did this fare up? Well, actually it did pretty well. Sure, the song was terrible and there were some really stupid scenes, but it did a lot better than I'd expected for an episode. It was pretty nice, honestly. It's next to "Bats!" in my favorite season 4 episode so far. I'm giving this a 4/5 rating. Can't wait to see tomorrow's episode.
-Kirb
PS: In case you're wondering why this seems so rushed, it's because I literally just watched the episode today because I had midterms this week. Don't worry, I promise to do better in my next review.
PPS: I have no comment on Slender's supposed cameo in this episode.
PPPS: And it's spelled "Pinkie!" Not "Pinky!" Got it, DHX?
