Everything Wrong with Tanks for the Memories

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It's been a while since we've talked about Rainbow Dash, hasn't it? I should note that Dash is actually my favorite pony out of all the mane 6. While I don't particularly draw a lot of fanart of her, and I admit that some certain character flaws of hers can get annoying at times, she does seem like the pony who I'd most want to hang out with, smoke a joint with, etc. But she's not a character who is very easy to write, that's for sure, and every once in a while she has a bad, bad, bad episode. Again, I can understand all this, because as I said, she isn't a character who is very easy to write. So with all that in mind, let's take a look at her newest episode, "Tanks for the Memories."

Already the episode has gotten off to a bad start. What the hell is up with that title? "Tanks for the Memories"? That pun is so bad, it's as if I came up with it!
So it starts off with Dash and Tank, Dash's pet tortoise, flying around Ponyville, as Cloudsdale gets closer. Dash says that winter is almost there. Why? Well, because if Cloudsdale hovers over a town, that brings winter to said town! ...uh, I'm sure that's how that works.
Anyway, Dash is excited because it will be her first winter together with Tank. Wait, hasn't Dash owned Tank for more than three years? Or are we just not counting the last three seasons as canon?
To be entirely fair, many bronies have the idea that only a year has passed since the start of the show, which I would have no problem believing, except for two things.
1. Are we really supposed to believe, after Nightmare Moon took over, the Elements became a thing, Discord took over, the Royal Wedding fiasco happened, the Crystal Empire became a thing, Twilight became a princess, Equestria was taken over by vine-tentacles, the Elements no longer were a thing, Tirek stole everypony’s cutie marks, and Twilight got her new castle, that all of that took place in one year?
2. If that was one year, then that means that, within the course of one year, winter has already happened multiple times, as has spring and fall, and so this wouldn’t be the first winter Dash had spent with Tank.

Then again, she might not spend it with him either, as it turns out that Tank is moving slowly and is incredibly sleepy, even to the point of yawning audibly! Twilight comes in to check it out, but can't see anything wrong with him, so of course they take him to the local animal expert, Fluttershy, who reveals that--GASP!--Tank is going to hibernate for the winter! ...really? That's it? You needed to consult the animal expert for that? Okay, I know that Rainbow Dash might not always be the smartest pony around, but she should know that turtles hibernate! Twilight should have known that, with all her knowledge about everything! Hell, even I, the schmuck who overanalyzes My Little Pony episodes, know that turtles hibernate in the winter. In fact, Dash should know that anyway, since it's pretty clear that multiple winters have passed since she got Tank! Geez, only a few minutes in and this episode is already falling apart.
Anyway, Dash decides to go take Tank to a real reptile expert, thank-you-very-much. A reptile expert like...

...oh, that's just... hah! I can't even... wow. Well, I'll give this episode this: it gives a lot of opportunities for comedy. And boy does it use them!
Even Spike knows that turtles hibernate in the winter, confirming that he is--in fact--smarter than Rainbow Dash. Yes, the dragon who has been one of the characters I've enjoyed hating in past episodes is smarter than my favorite pony--and she's the one with a eidetic memory, need we remind you.
So as Dash now knows that Tank is going to have to hibernate, how does the episode treat it? Well, honestly, it treats it very well. Sure, it has several comedic moments here and there, but for the most part, it comes off with a lot of dignity and respect. Throughout the episode, Dash goes through the five stages of grief: first denial, as she dismisses Spike and Fluttershy's claims and insists that all Tank needs is some hard work to get the blood pumping. Next, she goes through anger, as she lashes out at her friends and at Tank.
During the bargaining stage, Dash decides that she's going to stop winter.

You're a mean one, Mrs. Dash.

As I said before, the episode brings about some comedic moments to distract from the plot. The most notable of which lampshades the naming customs of ponies, with three ponies named Clear Skies, Open Skies, and Fluffy Clouds. The first thing I'm reminded of is Abbott and Costello's famous "Who's on First?" skit.

Pfft, if I wanted Abbott and Costello spoofs I'd stick with the one with George W. Bush, thank you very much.

And then Dash sings a very heartfelt and well-written song called "I'll Fly," where she tries to stop winter from happening in various ways, but all of it is for naught, because she can't stop the weather. Although you've gotta love this outfit of hers:

Mmm. Personally, I'd love to get sunscreen spread on me by Rainbow Dash in a swimsuit. What? It's not weird!
So Rainbow Dash decides that the only way to stop winter and save Tank is to stop it at the source. That's right, sabotage! Never mind Rainbow Dash always being loyal to Ponyville and Cloudsdale, no, she's willing to compromise her hometown and her current town just to stop her pet from hibernating! Although to be fair, making harsh decisions like this is common in going through the stages of grief, so I'll give it a pass here.
Unfortunately, Dash's attempted sabotage combined with Tank's increasing clumsiness culminates in everything in Cloudsdale practically being destroyed. Even good ol' Wilhelm gets sucked away!
Of course, it winds up going off all over Ponyville, covering it with a thick layer of snow, but not before Twilight says something fanservice-worthy!

Hooray for quoting TV shows I don't watch!
Also, apparently Cloudsdale's snow explosion resembles the Castle Bravo thermonuclear test:


Because why not? Hey, if "Lesson Zero" was allowed to copy the Tsar Bomba, how is this different?

As Rainbow Dash goes into depression, she really goes into it.

Fluttershy has to become the pony who breaks it to her that her winter is going to be petless, which causes Dash to break out crying. Hey, where are the bronies on that one? When Fluttershy makes Dash cry, it's for her own good, but when Dash's friend makes Fluttershy cry? "That bitch! I'll kill her!"
Something that's really cute is that Dash wears slippers that look like Tank, and Tank wears Dash slippers. That's adorable. Also, when the other ponies join in on her crying. Seriously, that's one of the more heartbreaking events in the show.
Finally, Dash accepts that she'll have to go through winter without Tank.

Aww.
So as the ponies have fun in the snow, Dash takes Tank to the base of a tree, where he digs a burrow to sleep in, and the mane 6 say their goodbyes, and the episode ends with Rainbow Dash reading Tank a bedtime story before she joins her friends in the fun.
Honestly, this may just be one of the better episodes of the show! It has lots of funny moments, but they don't feel like they detract from the plot. They lighten up a situation that otherwise would be too sad for a show like this to deal with. And the sad moments are dealt with in a surprisingly dignified manner, too. When Dash is sad, you feel her sadness. You can actually believe that she's dealing with this. So all in all, I'd say this was a good episode. Good on you, MLP. Keep it up.

-Kirb, got sunshine in a bag. (fimyttr)
































Okay, I've had some time to think about it, and, uh... I've changed my mind. This episode does not work for me at all. I'm not saying it's necessarily a bad episode, but it sure is a strange one. Why? Well, while I still believe this episode does a good job at dealing with grief and all that, there is still one minor problem. One teensy weensy problem that, in my mind, brings down the whole episode. And that is, to put it bluntly:

That's right. The whole conflict in the episode is that Tank is going to hibernate. Not only should it not come as any surprise to Dash, having spent previous winters with him, but Tank hibernating is simply not a big deal. If Tank were dying in the episode, then it would be. I've had to suffer through the deaths of many pets--hell, even worse! Just over a year ago, my dad had a stroke and died. I know the stages of grief well, but if I had known he were only going away for a few months and would return, I wouldn't have gone through any of that.
So instead of Rainbow Dash coming off as a heartbroken pony grieving the loss of her beloved pet, she instead feels like a spoiled brat who doesn't get to play with her teddy bear because her mom is taking it away to restitch it.
If Tank had died or was slowly dying, it would all make sense. Even the evil and arguably OOC act of trying to stop an entire season from arriving! That would make sense as a desperate act of somepony trying to save a life. But instead, when she destroys the factory, it comes off not only as selfish, but as endangering the lives of herself, her pet, and Equestria and the ecosystem it relies on. And it makes the fact that she gets no consequences for it whatsoever even more idiotic.
If they wanted to do an episode about death, fine! More power to them! But actually DO AN EPISODE ABOUT DEATH! And there are some moronic commenters out there who I know for a fact will come here and say, "Oh, you just don't understand the meaning of the episode." No! I understand it! Again, keep in mind that only two Christmases ago, MY DAD FUCKING DIED. And all of this episode would have all made sense if that one tiny detail had been changed!
And for those of you who say, "Oh, but they can't kill off a character. It would be too sad for a little kids' show." Yes! Yes they can! Let's take a look at Alvin and the Chipmunks, a show that I hate. I have said many times that I loathe nearly everything about that show. But despite all that, I have to admit the liking of one episode from it, where the three chipmunks find a cute little kitten and bond with it throughout the episode, only to see it hit by a car. Just like this episode, they go through the five stages of grief, and maybe it's not done as well and is kind of rushed, since they only just met the cat and didn't have as much time to bond with it, but it's better than this episode, and you know why? Because when the cat died, it actually died. If the cat was just injured and would definitely return, it wouldn't have worked, and for the exact same reason this episode doesn't work.
God, how stupid I feel for giving this episode such a high rating earlier! I still maintain my points about the episode dealing with it well, and having a good song and a nice balance of humor and sad moments, but just that one detail... I'm sorry, it just ruined it for me. And because of that, I don't know what message to take from this episode, so I'm sorry, but I'm giving it a 2/5. I'm... I'm so fucking done.

-Kirb, got sunshine in a bag. (fimyttr)

Note: Seriously though, Rainbow Dash is still best pony.
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GamertheHedgehog's avatar
This is my favorite Rainbow Dash episode, pretty much because of both the song and because of how it shows a new side to Rainbow.

As to your complaint about Tank not dying, I have two things to say:
1. Rainbow, as much as I love her, has always had a bit of a tendency to over-react.
2. Tank was the first family Rainbow ever had, so of course she'd be desperate to keep him from leaving her for even just a few months.

So, no, I don't think actually killing Tank off would have been the better move